Finding Freedom

I’ve spent a great deal of my life feeling bad.

Feeling not good enough, unworthy, unlovable…being filled with self-loathing.

I’ve spent days quite literally banging my head against the wall.

I’ve had days where I wondered if I should just end it all - if life was even worth living.

And then something happened that utterly changed my life.

Something completely unexpected and unwanted.

Something that I fought tooth and nail to avoid. And yet it ended up being the best thing to ever happen to me.

In 2022, the end of a relationship left me feeling shattered, completely alone, hopeless, and empty.

I cried every day for a month. That’s not hyperbole. I actually cried every single day for a month.

See, just before this breakup, I thought I had found my way out of my misery.

I’d worked so hard, I’d faced my fears, I’d done so much to come out of my shell, trying to fight back against those inner voices - trying to “better” myself.

And for a short while it had worked, I’d increased my income, I’d increased my self-confidence (I thought), and I’d fallen in love. I had dreams of a future, traveling the world with my partner, and being a photographer.

I thought I’d found an angel. Someone who could save me from myself.

And here I was, once again, consigned to my own personal hell. Tossed back into the pit, with even less hope than before.

Yet somehow. In ways I couldn’t even begin to imagine, this place of absolute agony and misery was exactly where I needed to be.

I suddenly saw in remarkable clarity how I had been acting out the same pattern again and again for my entire life.

I saw how fundamentally limiting beliefs were clouding my judgment and dramatically limiting my potential. I saw how I had made MYSELF miserable for YEARS. How I had paralyzed myself in a place of indecision, so afraid of making a mistake that I simply did nothing.

That place of absolute despair was the beginning of a transformation. A journey that provided me with a new sense of purpose, and a realization about the fundamental nature of our human experience, and how backward everything sometimes seems.

This transformation has completely changed my relationship with the world, and myself. And I can wholeheartedly say that I no longer look at the world in the same way. Not even close.

I no longer experience self-loathing, I no longer bang my head against the wall. On the contrary, I quite enjoy being me!

This blog will be about that journey, the lessons I’ve learned, and how I believe they can help you as well.

And it all started with a single question. A single word. One of my favorite words.

In fact, my mom would tell you it’s been my favorite word since the day I learned how to say it.

It all started when I asked, “why?”